I’M NOT QUITE sure what I’m hearing. Is it a growl? A moan maybe? It has a vibration to it that shakes the surrounding air.
The Cowboy and I share a moment, our eyes locked. We are like two spiders when the lights come on. If we don’t move, you can’t see us.
The distinct sound of metal scraping against stone with a guttural grunt. His eyes widen; he holds his belt and pants.
“RUN!” He yells.
His voice sounds strained; that fear is real. This is not one of his games.
He is already halfway through the clearing.
‘Come on legs, work!’
Finally, I’m able to move. I don’t know what happened there. What is this? First day with my new legs? Why is my body having trouble receiving my signals?
The Cowboy could have won some kind of Olympic race; I can’t even see him anymore. I’m pumping my little legs, but they are not working the way I want.
My boots are suddenly unwearable. They are sliding all over. I’ve hit the snow several times. I struggle to my feet and continue to flee for my life.
I get it now. Save us all. She is free. She’s going to kill everyone and everything.
The Cowboy’s boot prints are leading me, and I’m doing my best to follow them. Is she gaining on me? I don’t want to look back. I’m going to look back.
If I don’t make it, this is for my sister: That time you gave me a ride home from the eye doctor, and you got in the car; there was that smell. I blamed it on your dog in the back seat. It was me. I had a big breakfast. I’m sorry.
My sister has been gone for so many years now since the world ended, but it felt good to get that off my chest.
I TURN BACK AND LOOK
The Demon from the cave is in the air right behind me. Her face twisted in the most evil grin. Her body is so close, I could reach out and touch her. I do. She is real.
Still have not stopped running. She is breaking the rules of gravity. How is she? She’s flying, right?
She has not scooped me up yet. Is she toying with me? I turned so fast I surprised even me. I could hear her pissed off grunt of frustration.
Good. I’m glad she’s frustrated.
The ground lets go under me. I’m falling…
I wish I could say I let out a scream. I wish I could have bounced down the cliffside like Homer Simpson, when he slipped out of the back of an ambulance and hit every jutted-out stone on the way down. I wish that I waved my arms and legs; I didn’t.
I experience a silent peace for most of the way down. The snow that let go under me is actually far from the mountain. My fall is a quiet, peaceful drop straight down.
I am washed over with peace. It is finally all over. I’m going to die and be with my family.
The ground comes so fast; I hit it face first. The snow envelops my skin; it skirts around my neck. I could feel the snow go up my shirt, in my boots, in my pants. I sink fast.
HAPPY IN MY HOLE
A somewhat frozen grave, hiding my corpse. I blink, white everywhere. I try to let out a breath of pure discontent, but snow got in my mouth.
I’m alive. Truth be told, I’m not even hurt. I feel nothing.
I lay here buried in the snow, waiting. I'm not sure what for. Death doesn’t like the way I smell. I doubt that the woman creature can see me right now. If she does, she would probably say something like: ‘I’m gonna rip off your skin and wear it like pajamas to a slumber party!’
Weirdo!
I’m content, staying in this hole. In this hole, the world isn’t over. In this hole, no one is trying to kill me for existing; in this hole, there is peace.
Scraping, grunts, and heaving. These combined can only be one thing. The Ghouls.
Damn it, they’re digging me out.
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” I shout.
They’re not listening.
It probably sounds like: 'Muv muh awone.'
They probably think they’re doing me a favour. They’re going to call attention. She’s going to find me.
I’m safe in my hole; I’m alone in my hole; I am the only one who exists in my hole.
Why is it that every time I’m safe and happy, the population tries to take that away from me? Is it jealousy? Are they pissed because I can easily find peace, and they have to live in their chaos?
FACING HATE
A hand is gripping the back of my jacket, I can feel my body being lifted out of the hole. My eyes tightly shut, blocking out what has me.
“Open your eyes.”
It is her voice. I squeeze my eyes tighter shut. She can’t hurt me if I can’t see her. (Good spider.)
“I said, open your eyes.”
I know it's stupid before I say it.
“No.”
I feel wetness; it is all around my neck and dripping on my face. Something touches my chin. I open my eyes to a plastic smell. The feeling of breath.
I can see that dangle thing at the back of the throat. I feel her teeth sliding over my neck. There is pressure. She’s trying to bite my head off.
My voice is muffled.
I’m laughing inside her mouth. She can’t bite my head off. It’s funny. I’m safe.
“What’s the matter? You don’t like the way I taste? GOOD! I don’t want to be eaten.”
Her mouth loosens, and I feel her lips pass over my head.
Still holding me, she examines me. I dangle there in her grasp. She is no taller than me, but she seems like a giant. Whatever we are, our strength always surprises me.
“The only thing I did to you was bring you a change of clothes.”
“Yes, and your eyes were all over my body. All you want is to mate. You are just an animal.”
I thought about it. She’s right. I looked. We all look. I would never act on anything. We are shaved monkeys, and how we choose to act is what separates us. Who is in charge: your drive to mate, or your power of will?
We make decisions every day. Self-control is the only real freedom we have.
“I’m from a time when men believed that was a woman’s fate—to be forced to mate because the male wanted it. Also, females would manipulate men into giving them resources only for the promise of sex. If I follow those paths, it would mean I am not a man, just an animal.
Our mothers, our daughters, our sisters, and yes, our sons, our brothers, our fathers, would never be safe in a world like that. To expect that from anybody means you have no love in your heart, and you don’t deserve to be with other people.
Rape is an act of hate, not sex. I looked; that part of me is the animal. The part of me that is man, cleaned and covered your body.”
She stands there silent.
‘Oh, look at that, there are trees whizzing by beneath me. Wow, the ground is coming up pretty fast. She threw me.’